Toddler (12-14 mths)

10 things toddlers know and adults don’t!

by Gina Roberts-Grey

The terrible twos and trying threes can be wildly confusing for parents. Between trying to potty train, transitioning from babyish to childlike behavior, and coming to terms with the fact that your baby is becoming an independent person, the keenly unique toddler perspective can send a parent over the edge.

Toddlers have their own viewpoint of the world. They are playful, highly imaginative and extremely inquisitive. The unending barrage of toddle buzz words such as ‘why’ and ‘no’ coupled with the unwavering desire to put anything and everything into the DVD or VCR can leave the most resilient parent scratching his head.

Enjoying your child’s toddler years can be achieved if you consider his perspective. Your toddler’s outlook is one that maturity forces adults to temper. Understanding this gives you insight into what motivates him to react with his enthusiastic flair. Looking at the world through his eyes actually helps you to see him.

There really are monsters in the room. The next time he deploys the “I’m scared of the dark’ routine to stall bedtime, take a moment to see his room through his eyes -- in the dark. Silhouettes of items on a shelf or dresser may seem terribly frightening. The ticking of his clock, whirring of the ceiling fan and humming of the furnace are easily envisioned as monsters hiding in the closet or under the bed. It is not instinctive to walk calmly into the unknown, and to a 2 ½ year old, going into a dark room is very scary. Age and maturity usually ease his fears of the dark, but adding a night light or checking the drawers for monsters can be the difference between bedtime tears or pleasant dreams.

It’s too cold. His Goldilocks complex may seem perplexing; however did you know that the water in the shower feels colder to a three foot tall toddler than it does to a six foot tall adult? If you’re convinced his complaints are a tactic to avoid acquainting his hard earned dirty elbows and knees with a bar of soap, try sitting down in the shower tomorrow morning. You’ll see that it’s cooler down at his level than when you’re standing up closer to the shower head.

They honestly don’t know! Have you ever regretted asking your toddler why he did something, only to be stonewalled with a wide-eyed “I don’t know”? The painful truth is toddlers really don’t know. They don’t know why cutting their bangs two days before the family portrait or giving the cat a mud bath is appealing. They just know it is. Acting impulsively is typical in children and your toddler is no exception. His curiosity overpowers any reason that he is developing. While he may know he’s not supposed to cram a waffle in the VCR, his curious nature is urging him to find out if it can actually fit.

Ketchup is one of the food groups . Countless parents have quietly argued with their children in restaurants over dousing their scrambled eggs or fries in an unending sea of ketchup. His refusal to eat anything unless it’s soaked with ketchup is the perfect time to adopt the ‘pick and chose your battles’ theory. Other than risking your loss of appetite, his ketchup dependency will probably lessen somewhat with age and isn’t harmful. Consider that if he’s dipping every bite of chicken or mashed potatoes in ketchup, he’s still eating the nutritious food.

Bugs are cool. The widespread fascination society has with aliens and ‘Big Foot’ is similar to a toddler’s interest in crawling critters. Bugs are extremely fascinating to young children because they seldom see them in their house. When he’s playing in the garden or at the park, it’s tempting to look to unearth creatures as he realizes that he’s not the only species in existence. A toddler’s innocence usually prevents him from developing the fear, phobia or disgust of insects, and his intent to please sends him running to you to show off his latest discovery.

Why ask why? Understanding the unknown is very difficult for young children. Although occasionally he’ll pursue the ‘why’ line of questioning just to be adorably testy, more often than not he isn’t trying to be irritating. He actually does wonder why. Questions that are not easily explained without a lengthy scientific explanation such as “why is the sky blue”, or “why can’t I fly like the birds” are genuine issues your toddler is struggling to understand. Quite simply, he’ll persist asking why because he doesn’t understand the answer. Answering him honestly instead of quickly can often satisfy his interest and end his interrogation.

Imaginary friends do drink tea. Pity the parent who inadvertently forgets to pour one of their child’s imaginary tea party guests a fresh cup of hot cocoa or juice. A toddler’s limited social experience is enhanced through a variety of interaction. Subconsciously mimicking social scenarios in his play helps him gain social confidence. If your tot takes the time to set up a luncheon only to have one of his guests slighted, he feels he’s failed at hosting a good party. Serving and occasionally drinking multiple cups of imaginary tea help him develop his social skills.

You didn’t say not to… Exact words and explanations can be critical to toddlers. Children are surprisingly quite literal at this stage of development. Stating not to put doll clothes on the cat but omitting not to dress the dog can be interpreted as the freedom to do exactly that. Taking the time to explain yourself completely in age appropriate terms helps everyone understand the boundaries.

It is that bad. Coming inside to take a bath, sitting patiently waiting for the pediatrician, and taking medicine are all acts that adults methodically perform. When toddlers have to exercise control over their emotions or be redirected to focus their behavior, they are aware they don’t have full control over a situation. Expressing his emotions through crying or verbalizing how unfair your decision is temporarily gives him back control. Acknowledging that you understand he thinks it’s horrible to wash his hair shows your respect of his feelings.

The bathroom is a playground. Parents frequently wonder why their children are obsessed with being in the bathroom at almost any time other than to be clean. To your toddler the bathroom is a room full of billowy paper, blocks that smell fresh and enchanting, and the perfect sized swimming pool for soldiers, dolls and building blocks, all which seem to be strategically placed for his enjoyment. He doesn’t use an entire roll of toilet paper to mummify his teddy bear to be disobedient. His creative imagination sees the toilet paper as the perfect wrap to heal his bear’s broken arm.

Setting aside your adult perception and maturity to see his point of view allows you to see the beautifully innocent world your toddler sees. Accepting that he has a unique perspective you’ve long since possessed, helps you to cherish this stage. Embrace his curious spirit and tenacious nature because before you know it, he’ll be asking to borrow the keys to your car.