Mom's Life

Showering siblings – Celebrating the big brother or sister to-be

By Gina Roberts-Grey

When she was almost eight months pregnant, Marissa Lee of Cato, New York began nervously wondering how her four and a half year old daughter would welcome her new baby brother. “We kept looking for ways to include her in the process but asking her opinion on paint colors didn’t seem to capture the feeling of becoming a big sister,” explains Lee.

In a moment of nesting inspiration, Lee stumbled upon a way to both include her daughter in the preparations of expecting another baby and also give her a day of her own to celebrate her impending status as ‘Big Sister’. “I was talking to my sister about how women have baby showers to celebrate having a party with their family and friends, but kids don’t have a special day to celebrate and that’s when it hit me. I decided to host a sibling shower for my daughter!”

Decorating her dining room with streamers and balloons, Lee set out making finger sandwiches and inviting her daughters pre-school and neighborhood pals over for an afternoon of pre-baby brother fun. “My daughter was so thrilled to be surprised with her own day, especially since she knew her aunt had a baby shower a few months earlier,” gushes Lee.

How it helps

“Children under age five are often very insecure about becoming a big brother or sister,” says Family Therapist and Psychiatrist Dr. Michael Winters, M.D. of Ipswich, Massachusetts, “and in most cases, the children aren’t mature enough to even understand that they’re feeling insecure.”

Hosting a party or designating a special day to dote on your child, before your new baby arrives, helps to solidify a young child’s security. It reminds your child he will play a vital role in the life of your newest family member. A day to herald a child as the next big brother or sister in the family or on the block helps to foster the sibling bond even before the baby is born.

“Toward the end of the shower, my daughter was saying that she hoped we’d have another baby so she could throw her baby brother his own shower,” notes Lee.

Spending the day being the center of attention can also be extremely beneficial for a child struggling to understand how the new baby will alter the world as he knows it. “It reminds a child that even though one aspect of his life will change, another will remain consistent,” says Dr. Winters. A sibling shower can reinforce that family members love and support him and that he will still have his circle of friends and neighbors.

Although some guests may elect to bring a small gift, sibling showers are geared more toward celebrating the young child than receiving gifts. “Traditional baby showers are held to help new parents stock a nursery. It is more important to recognize a child’s new role as an older sibling at this type of event than to lavish him with gifts,” notes Dr. Winters.

“Receiving some small trinkets from family members was also very helpful for when I was in labor,” states Lee who guided her child to wait to play with some of the things she received at her shower for when her new brother was being born. “That served as a reminder that she had a big day too.”

Planning the event

Sibling showers do not have to be elaborate, pricey or extreme. They can be as short as an hour or last the entire day depending on the age of the child and guests. Sibling showers can even be an impromptu gathering of your child’s closest friends sharing his favorite meal or snacks and toasting his impending status a big brother-to-be days before a scheduled c-section or induction.

Activities that highlight the positive aspects of becoming an older sibling are very constructive. Photo frames embellished or designed by shower guests serve as terrific party activities as well as gifts for the guest of honor. Children ages five and up can participate shower games such as diaper the baby-doll races or play name the lullaby. Children under five can watch brief video clips of the sibling-to-be as a baby. Guests can take home sippy cups filled with marshmallows or miniature cookies as functional souvenirs.

Finger foods are often the food of choice at sibling showers. “We served many of my daughter’s favorite foods,” says Lee who was delighted that most of the guests relished slices of salami rolled with cheese. “It was much less stressful than planning a party for adults.” Celery stalks filled with cream cheese and topped with raisins lend the element of bugs on a log that little boys will appreciate while pink lemonade and star fruit appeal to soon to be sisters.

Personal showers

Coordinating a special day to shine the spotlight on the sibling-to-be with a beloved family member is a personal method to honor a tot nervous about becoming a sibling. If gathering friends isn’t a feasible option, consider asking your child’s grandparents, Godparents or favorite aunt or uncle to help honor the soon to be sibling.